“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters … accepted [God’s] plan by which his children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection. …The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.”
What does the textbook Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives [2] say regarding this?
Chapter 23 is titled, “Crucibles and Healing: Illness, Loss, Death, and Bereavement.” In describing them, the authors explaining that, “Adversities such as illness or disability, death and bereavement, and other losses are unavoidable parts of earthly experience and may become spiritual crucibles with the potential to transform individuals and families.”[3] How we deal with these life-altering events largely depends on our perspective or frame of reference. An individual with little or no faith in God, no knowledge of a purpose for our lives, or no belief in an afterlife will see death from a very final or fatalistic perspective. This type of person who has a strong emotional attachment to a loved one will see their death as a final and permanent parting and the resulting grief can be unbearable. A gospel-based eternal perspective that sees this mortal existence as only one phase of our eternal spirits progression will view the death of a loved one as a sad time and grieve the separation but only see is as temporary, thus relieving some of the weight of grief. Research has shown that those with the first perspective tend to experience deeper grief, incapacitating anxiety, and familial disruption. Whereas, the second perspective tends to promote strength, personal growth, and resilience. Expanding our perspective or faith in Heavenly Father’s plan as described in the proclamation is key to coping with the loss of a loved one.
What does Handbook 2: Administering the Church[4] say regarding this?
“18.6.1 Death and Mourning. Death is an essential part of Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation (see 2 Nephi 9:6). Each person must experience death in order to receive a perfected, resurrected body. Teaching and testifying about the plan of salvation, particularly the Savior’s Atonement and Resurrection, is an essential purpose of the services associated with a Church member’s death. Death brings a need to comfort the living. As disciples of Jesus Christ, Church leaders and members “mourn with those that mourn … and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9). In many cultures, mortician services, viewings of the body, and funerals are customary to help comfort the living and pay respectful tribute to the deceased. Where more appropriate culturally, most of these purposes could be accomplished in a family gathering, a graveside service, or another dignified and solemn setting. Many religions and cultures have rituals, ordinances, and customs associated with death and mourning for the dead. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ has no such rituals or ordinances. Church leaders should not incorporate rituals of other religions or groups into Church services for deceased members. Church members should show respect for the rituals and practices of other religions. However, members are counseled not to join in rituals, practices, or traditions that compromise their ability to keep the commandments or to live the principles of the restored gospel. In connection with mourning and services for people who die, members are counseled to avoid practices or traditions that are so expensive or prolonged that they impose a hardship on the living or impair them from proceeding with their lives. Such practices include expecting excessive travel, wearing special clothing for mourning, making elaborate public announcements, paying money to the family, holding elaborate and prolonged feasts at the funeral, and holding excessive commemorative or anniversary celebrations after the funeral. Most governments have legal requirements that regulate what occurs when a person dies. Church leaders and members should be aware of these requirements and follow them.”
What do the scriptures say regarding this?
2 Nephi 9:6-7, 10-13 “For as death hath passed upon all men, to fulfil the merciful plan of the great Creator, there must needs be a power of resurrection, and the resurrection must needs come unto man by reason of the fall; and the fall came by reason of transgression; and because man became fallen they were cut off from the presence of the Lord. Wherefore, it must needs be an infinite atonement—save it should be an infinite atonement this corruption could not put on incorruption. Wherefore, the first judgment which came upon man must needs have remained to an endless duration. And if so, this flesh must have laid down to rot and to crumble to its mother earth, to rise no more.” “O how great the goodness of our God, who prepareth a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster; yea, that monster, death and hell, which I call the death of the body, and also the death of the spirit. And because of the way of deliverance of our God, the Holy One of Israel, this death, of which I have spoken, which is the temporal, shall deliver up its dead; which death is the grave. And this death of which I have spoken, which is the spiritual death, shall deliver up its dead; which spiritual death is hell; wherefore, death and hell must deliver up their dead, and hell must deliver up its captive spirits, and the grave must deliver up its captive bodies, and the bodies and the spirits of men will be restored one to the other; and it is by the power of the resurrection of the Holy One of Israel. O how great the plan of our God! For on the other hand, the paradise of God must deliver up the spirits of the righteous, and the grave deliver up the body of the righteous; and the spirit and the body is restored to itself again, and all men become incorruptible, and immortal, and they are living souls, having a perfect knowledge like unto us in the flesh, save it be that our knowledge shall be perfect.”
Alma 7:11-12 “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”
Isaiah 53:4–5 “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: … And with his stripes we are healed.”
Matthew 11:28-29 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”
D&C 101:36-38 “36 Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full. Therefore, care not for the body, neither the life of the body; but care for the soul, and for the life of the soul. And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life.”
Psalms 119:165 “Great peace have
they which love thy law.”
D&C 59:23 “he who doeth the
works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world, and
eternal life in the world to come.”
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord
with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.”
D&C 42:45 “Thou shalt live
together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.”
3 Nephi 12:4 “Blessed are all they
that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Mosiah 18:9 “Yea, and are willing to
mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of
comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and
in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of
God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have
eternal life—“
D&C 101:14–16 “And all they who
have mourned shall be comforted. And all they who have given their lives for my
name shall be crowned. Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion;
for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.”
What do latter-day prophets and apostles say regarding this?
President Thomas S. Monson
spoke in general conference about the loss of his wife. He said, “To say that I
miss her does not begin to convey the depth of my feelings.” He then spoke of
trials and concluded: “We know that there are times when we will experience
heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our
limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to
rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us.”[5]
The Prophet Joseph Smith opined.“It
has been hard for me to live on earth and see these young men upon whom we have
leaned for support and comfort taken from us in the midst of their youth. Yes,
it has been hard to be reconciled to these things. I have sometimes thought
that I should have felt more reconciled to have been called away myself if it
had been the will of God; yet I know we ought to be still and know it is of
God, and be reconciled to His will; all is right.”[6]
President Henry B. Eyring, “Many
are praying to Heavenly Father for relief, for help in carrying their burdens
of grief, loneliness, and fear. Heavenly Father hears those prayers and
understands their needs. He and His Beloved Son, the resurrected Jesus Christ,
have promised help [see Matthew 11:28–30]. …”[7]
While serving as Presiding Bishop
of the Church, Elder Merrill J. Bateman taught: “Just as the lame man at the
pool of Bethesda needed someone stronger than himself to be healed (see John
5:1-9), so we are dependent on the miracles of Christ's atonement if our souls
are to be made whole from grief, sorrow, and sin. If grieving parents and loved
ones have faith in the Savior and his plan, death's sting is softened as Jesus
bears the believers' grief and comforts them through the Holy Spirit. Through
Christ, broken hearts are mended and peace replaces anxiety and sorrow. . . .
As Isaiah stated concerning the Savior, 'Surely he hath borne our griefs, and
carried our sorrows: . . . And with his stripes we are healed' (Isaiah 53:4-5). The
prophet Alma also spoke of Christ's healing power as he taught the Gideonites.
Referring to Christ, Alma stated that he would go forth 'suffering pains and
afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be
fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his
people. . . . And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may
be filled with mercy, . . . that he may know according to the flesh how to
succor his people' (Alma 7:11-12). Whatever the source of pain, Jesus
understands and can heal the spirit as well as the body.“[8]
What Is Grief? – The Healing
Power of Grief
“Grief is the emotional, and often
physical, response we have when we experience loss. The more profound the loss,
the more profound the grief will be. Grief can involve virtually every emotion
or can leave us feeling numb and disconnected from the world around us. Manifestations
of grief may include hopelessness, anxiety, anger, denial, guilt,
incapacitating fatigue, difficulty in controlling emotions, lack of
concentration, loss of interest in people or activities, and feelings of being
overwhelmed. As a result, some, like John, question their faith in Heavenly
Father because the pain is so overwhelming. They find it difficult to recognize
the help the Lord is extending. Reassuring is the promise from Isaiah: “Surely
he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:4). Sometimes the
hardest part about grief is simply not understanding what is happening. Knowing
a few principles can help us successfully make our own journey through grief.”[9]
Suicide
Elder M. Russell Ballard of the
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “The act of taking one’s life is truly a
tragedy because this single act leaves so many victims: first the one who dies,
then the dozens of others—family and friends—who are left behind, some to face
years of deep pain and confusion. …Obviously, we do not know the full
circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details,
and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth. When he does judge us, I
feel he will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical
makeup, our mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received,
the traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth. …Suicide is a sin—a
very grievous one, yet the Lord will not judge the person who commits that sin
strictly by the act itself. The Lord will look at that person’s circumstances
and the degree of his accountability at the time of the act.”[10]
Personal Thoughts.
Grief hurts, but it also heals.
Can the death of a loved one be a
learning experience? I really appreciated some of the things we can learn that
were highlighted in Elder Bateman’s remarks. The first was that life is short.
Whether our mortal probation ends at 8 or 80, within an eternal perspective
that is a very short time. We should live life to the fullest, learning and
loving, building relationships, and finding joy and happiness along the way.
Second, the reality of our spirit. When the spirit leaves the body in death, it
is clear what animates and moves our physical bodies. Third, the importance of
eternal families. Just as there is family around us as we enter this mortal
life, so too will we be surrounded by members of our eternal families on both
sides of the veil as we leave. Finally, we can learn the importance of the
purpose of life and the importance of our Heavenly Father’s plan. “Death
teaches that we do not experience a fulness of joy in mortality and that
everlasting joy can be achieved only with the assistance of the Master.”[11]
Additional resources for someone who has had a miscarriage/lost a loved
one. Some practical ways to help.
[1] https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?CID=613601&lang=eng&old=true
[2] Hawkins,
A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and
families: proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU
Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
[3] Ibid. p.
237.
[4] https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church?lang=eng
[5]“I Will
Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee,” Ensign, Nov. 2013, 85, 87.
[7] https://www.lds.org/new-era/2015/05/general-conference-is-for-you/comfort-and-service?lang=eng
[8] “The
Power to Heal from Within,“ Ensign, May 1995, 13-14.
[9] https://www.lds.org/ensign/2014/01/the-healing-power-of-grief?lang=eng&_r=1
[10] “Suicide:
Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct. 1987, 7, 8.
[11] “The
Power to Heal from Within,“ Ensign, May 1995, 13-14.
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