Counseling families on how to heal deep wounds.

Counseling families on how to heal deep wounds.

What does The Family: A Proclamation to the World[1] say regarding this?

“Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of … repentance [and] forgiveness.”

What does the textbook Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives [2] say regarding this?

Chapter 20 is titled, “Repentance and Forgiveness in Family Life” and details why repentance and forgiveness are such critical elements to happy successful familial relationships. The authors share how “Interpersonal transgressions are common occurrences in all families.” And that they can “range from misunderstandings and minor mistakes, such as forgetting to take out the garbage, to more substantive disagreements,”[3] such as inheritance battles or differences in political views that leads to resentment and estrangement.

Key to resolution of these issues is a family’s ability to “achieve repentance and forgiveness, especially with major offenses in a way that promotes healing and personal growth.”[4]

Two wonderful benefits of engaging in the repentance and forgiveness process are first, the spiritual and second, the emotional. We are commanded to repent (D&C 29:49) and forgive (D&C 64:10), as we do so we receive forgiveness from God and receive a spiritual cleansing that will bring a release from guilt and pain, enable us to change, and eventually enable us to return to the presence of God. The emotional benefits from repentance and forgiveness include better emotional and physical health and well-being.[5]

What does Handbook 1: Stake Presidents and Bishops[6] say regarding this?

“7.2.4 Repentance and Resisting Temptation. If a member has transgressed, the stake president or bishop firmly and lovingly helps him or her repent. He teaches that repentance includes exercising faith in Jesus Christ, having a broken heart and contrite spirit, recognizing and forsaking sin, seeking forgiveness, making restitution, and demonstrating a renewed commitment to keep the commandments.”

What do the scriptures say regarding this?

Repentance

Mosiah 3:12 “But wo, wo unto him who knoweth that he rebelleth against God! For salvation cometh to none such except it be through repentance and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ.”

D&C 29:49 “And, again, I say unto you, that whoso having knowledge, have I not commanded to repent?”

D&C 19:15 “Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.”

Mosiah 16:12 “...having never called upon the Lord while the arms of mercy were extended towards them; for the arms of mercy were extended towards them, and they would not; they being warned of their iniquities and yet they would not depart from them; and they were commanded to repent.”

Forgiveness

D&C 64:10 “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

What do latter-day prophets and apostles say regarding this?

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland queried, “Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family … who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness.”[7]

President Monson lovingly counsels, “The spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest, so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.”[8]

Elder Oaks pleads, “Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine (see D&C 64:9–10). Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs …, to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships.”[9]

President Eyring wisely said, “If we are to have unity, there are commandments we must keep concerning how we feel. We must forgive and bear no malice toward those who offend us. The Savior set the example from the cross: ‘Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do’ (Luke 23:34). We do not know the hearts of those who offend us.”[10]

Elder  “You may be carrying a heavy burden of feeling injured by another who has seriously offended you. Your response to that offense may have distorted your understanding so that you feel justified in waiting for that individual to ask forgiveness so that the pain can leave. The Savior dispelled any such thought when He commanded: …‘I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men’ (D&C 64:10).”[11]

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[1] https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?CID=613601&lang=eng&old=true

[2] Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

[3] Ibid. p. 201.

[4] Ibid. p. 201.

[5] Ibid. p. 203.

[6] https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-1-stake-presidents-and-bishops?lang=eng

[7] https://www.lds.org/liahona/2008/12/amazed-at-the-love-jesus-offers-me?lang=eng

[8] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/04/hidden-wedges?lang=eng

[9] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng

[10] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/that-we-may-be-one?lang=eng

[11] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/10/to-be-free-of-heavy-burdens?lang=eng