What are the proper roles for husbands and wives within the context of gender roles and taking into consideration that marriage denotes an equal partnership?

What are the proper roles for husbands and wives within the context of gender roles and taking into consideration that marriage denotes an equal partnership?

What does The Family: A Proclamation to the World[1] say regarding this?

 “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

 “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.”

 “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

Most of the principles from the proclamation that discuss parental roles and responsibilities describe them as shared responsibilities. These shared responsibilities include: the “sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” Even when primary responsibilities are delineated between fathers and mothers, they are “obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

The proclamation does emphasize that “gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” For this question, I will focus on the proper gender specific roles that husbands and wives have within the family and how husbands and wives can perform these roles and still be equal partners in marriage. Having gender specific roles should never be construed as pitting one sex against the other or that any role is more important than another. Our Father in Heaven created these roles to be complimentary in order to provide his spirit children with the best opportunity for growth and happiness in mortal life within the divinely organized family structure.

What does the textbook Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives [2] say regarding this?

Chapter 4 is titled, “Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families” and helps to clarify how roles can be shared yet are not necessarily done by both spouses at the same time. The authors make a clear distinction that equality in this context does not mean identity, or in other words, that two things that are equal need not be identical. Man and woman were created with equal opportunity and capability to learn, love, and be exalted, yet they were not created to be identical. This same principle applies to hierarchy. One gender does not have any advantage or superiority over the other, either from a mortal or eternal perspective. In fact, in the singular, one gender cannot be exalted or achieve its full divine potential without the other.

“Recent social science research findings confirm that better physical and emotional health, better marital relationships, and better parenting and outcomes for children are the fruits of equal partnership in marriage.”[3]

What does Handbook 2: Administering the Church[4] say regarding this?

“1.3.1 The nature of male and female spirits is such that they complete each other. Men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation. Being one in marriage requires a full partnership. For example, Adam and Eve worked together, prayed and worshipped together, sacrificed together, taught their children the gospel together, and mourned over wayward children together (see Moses 5:1, 4, 12, 27). They were united with each other and with God. Concerning the roles of fathers and mothers, Church leaders have taught: “Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). When there is no father in the home, the mother presides over the family.”

What do the scriptures say regarding this?

Equality

Moses 2:26-27 “And I, God, said unto mine Only Begotten, which was with me from the beginning: Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and it was so. And I, God, said: Let them have dominion over the fishes of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. And I, God, created man in mine own image, in the image of mine Only Begotten created I him; male and female created I them.”

Moses 7:18 “…of one heart and one mind”

2 Nephi 26:28 “Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.”

D&C 83:4 “All children have claim upon their parents for their maintenance until they are of age.”

Fathers

Ephesians 5:23 “the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church”

I Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

D&C 75:28 “Verily I say unto you, that every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him provide, and he shall in nowise lose his crown.”

D&C 83:2 “Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken.”

Mosiah 4:14-15 “And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the evil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness. But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.”

Mothers

Alma 56:47-48 “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.”

What do latter-day prophets and apostles say regarding this?

Equality

The Gospel Principles Manual states, “In marriage neither the man nor the woman is more important than the other. They are equal partners and should work together to provide for the spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs of the family.”[5]

“Mothers have primary responsibility to nurture children, and fathers are to preside, provide, and protect. But these roles are not exclusive. Husbands and wives are to share as equal partners in the responsibilities of parenthood and help each other in a spirit of selfless sacrifice.”[6]

Complimentary Roles

President Ezra T. Benson urged, “Brethren of the priesthood, I continue to emphasize the importance of mothers staying home to nurture, care for, and train their children in the principles of righteousness. As I travel throughout the Church, I feel that the great majority of Latter-day Saint mothers earnestly want to follow this counsel. But we know that sometimes the mother works outside of the home at the encouragement, or even insistence, of her husband. It is he who wants the items of convenience that the extra income can buy. Not only will the family suffer in such instances, brethren, but your own spiritual growth and progression will be hampered. I say to all of you, the Lord has charged men with the responsibility to provide for their families in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in the home.”[7]

Fathers

Elder Christofferson taught, “Breadwinning is a consecrated activity. Providing for one’s family, although it generally requires time away from the family, is not inconsistent with fatherhood—it is the essence of being a good father. “Work and family are overlapping domains.”[8] This, of course, does not justify a man who neglects his family for his career or, at the other extreme, one who will not exert himself and is content to shift his responsibility to others.”[9]

President Ezra T. Benson instructed, “In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting may have to be tighter.”[10]

President Howard W. Hunter taught: “A righteous father protects his children with his time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities.”[11]

The Gospel Principles Manual states, “The father is the patriarch of the family and has important responsibilities that are his alone. He is the priesthood holder and has the duties of priesthood leadership.” ^[12]

In an older pamphlet published by the Council of the Twelve, it explains: “Fatherhood is leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of your eternal companion, you preside in the home.”[13]

President Harold B. Lee truly stated that “the most important of the Lord’s work that you [fathers] will ever do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home. Home teaching, bishopric’s work, and other Church duties are all important, but the most important work is within the walls of your home”[14]

Elder Yasuo Niiyama counsels, “A worthy man is given the priesthood so he can preside in the home and bless his family. It is the father’s responsibility to gather the family together for family home evening and for family councils. When we join together, we develop greater love for each other as we share our testimonies and experiences. Fathers should also have prayerful, periodic interviews with each of their children. As the father listens with love, both father and child will be richly rewarded.[15]

President Ezra T. Benson counsels, “We sometimes hear accounts of men, even in the Church, who think that being head of the home somehow puts them in a superior role and allows them to dictate and make demands upon their family. The Apostle Paul points out that “the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:23; italics added). That is the model we are to follow in our role of presiding in the home. We do not find the Savior leading the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating His Church with disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using force or coercion to accomplish His purposes. Nowhere do we find the Savior doing anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families.”[16]

Mothers

President Hinckley emphatically stated, “First let me say to you sisters that you do not hold a second place in our Father’s plan for the eternal happiness and well-being of His children. You are an absolutely essential part of that plan. Without you the plan could not function. Without you the entire program would be frustrated. As I have said before from this pulpit, when the process of creation occurred, Jehovah, the Creator, under instruction from His Father, first divided the light from the darkness and then separated the land from the waters. There followed the creation of plant life, followed by the creation of animal life. Then came the creation of man, and culminating that act of divinity came the crowning act, the creation of woman. Each of you is a daughter of God, endowed with a divine birthright. You need no defense of that position.”[17]

In 1942 the First Presidency stated: “Motherhood … becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit, of those who kept their first estate. … To lead them to keep their second estate is the work of motherhood. … Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” ^[18]

Joseph F. Smith taught, “As a rule the mothers in Zion, the mothers of Israel, are the very best women that live in the world, the best that can be found anywhere. … The good influence that a good mother exercises over her children is like leaven cast into the measure of meal, that will leaven the whole lump; and as far as her influence extends, not only to her own children, but to the associates of her children, it is felt, and good is the result accomplished by it.” He also said, “Our mothers, and the mothers of our children, whose hearts are filled with solicitude for the welfare of their children, having had conferred upon them the gift of the Holy Spirit, by the laying on of hands, can go to their secret chambers and bow down before God and commune with Him as no other mothers on earth can do, if they will only observe the principles they have embraced and will live up to their privileges. By the influence that they will thus gain over the hearts of their children they will lead them in the path of righteousness and truth, and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, in the love of truth, in obedience to His commands, in such a way as others cannot do who are destitute of these privileges, blessings and endowments, so freely conferred upon the mothers in Israel “[19]

M. Russell Ballard emphasized the difference between gender roles when he said, “Sisters, we, your brethren, cannot do what you were divinely designated to do from before the foundation of the world. We may try, but we cannot ever hope to replicate your unique gifts. There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman.”[20]

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles cautioned against modern feminist philosophies, “this is an attack at the very heart of God’s plan. … Don’t be lured away from the plan of our God to the ways of the world, where motherhood is belittled, femininity is decried, and the divinely established role of wife and mother is mocked.”[21]

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[1] https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?CID=613601&lang=eng&old=true

[2] Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2012). Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

[3] Ibid. p. 44

[4] https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church?lang=eng

[5] Gospel Principles (manual, 1997), 236–37.

[6] https://www.lds.org/ensign/2005/10/strengthening-the-family-as-equal-partners?lang=eng

[7] https://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/11/to-the-fathers-in-israel?lang=eng

[8] Blankenhorn, Fatherless America, 113.

[9] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/fathers?lang=eng

[10] https://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/11/to-the-fathers-in-israel?lang=eng

[11]Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51.

[12] Gospel Principles (manual, 1997), 236–37.

[13]Father, Consider Your Ways, pamphlet, 1973, pp. 4–5

[14] Lee, Strengthening the Home, pamphlet, 1973, p. 7

[15] https://www.lds.org/ensign/2004/02/presiding-righteously-in-the-home?lang=eng

[16] https://www.lds.org/ensign/1987/11/to-the-fathers-in-israel?lang=eng

[17] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/women-of-the-church?lang=eng

[18]In Conference Report, Oct. 1942, 12–13.

[19] https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-joseph-f-smith/chapter-4?lang=eng

[20] https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/mothers-and-daughters?lang=eng

[21]Scott, “The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness,” Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74–75.