My
boyfriend/girlfriend and I have been talking about marriage, what do we need to
know or do to prepare for this?
What does The Family: A Proclamation to the World[1]
say regarding this?
“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve
Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim
that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family
is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”
Sharing this portion with young adults reinforces the
centrality the family has in our Heavenly Father’s plan and that their greatest
happiness in this life can come from family. You can emphasize the joy you have
experienced because of this principle in your life. Encouraging the couple to
study the proclamation together and discuss shared goals for their new family
can be an important part of their preparation.
Being worthy to enter the temple to participate in the
sealing ordinance is another key part of their preparation. The proclamation
states, “We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of
procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as
husband and wife.” Sharing with young adults the temple recommend interview
questions can help reinforce the importance of honor and respect for each other
and for the law of chastity. A frank discussion of the law of chastity may be
appropriate based on the promptings of the spirit.
What does Handbook 2: Administering the Church[2]
say regarding this?
“16.2 Ministering to Young Single Adult Members (Ages 18 to
30) Stake and ward leaders work continually to identify, locate, and shepherd
young single adults in the following ways: They help young single adults find
and fellowship those in their age-group who are less active in the Church. They
create opportunities for young single adults to associate together in
meaningful service, gospel learning, and social activities. A
central purpose of these activities is to help young single adults find
marriage partners and prepare to marry in the temple and raise righteous families.
(italics added) They support young single adults in fulfilling worthy personal
goals and in making decisions about marriage, education, careers, and finances.”
Leaders can and should offer young single adult couples an
open-door offer of counsel, response to questions, and assistance in navigating
the path to the temple and the beginning of their eternal families. This
counsel should include practical ways to counter conflicting societal messages
regarding dating, courtship, and marriage, challenges to faith and confidence
in their ability to make and keep sacred covenants, communication challenges,
financial insecurities, and needed skills such as: communication, patience, selflessness,
compassion, forgiveness, and love.
What do the scriptures
say regarding this?
Moses 3:18 “it was not good that the man should be alone;
wherefore I will make an help meet for him”
I Corinthians 11:11 “Neither is the man without the woman,
neither the woman without the man, in the Lord”
D&C 49:15-16 “marriage is ordained of God unto man.
Wherefore, …they twain shall be one flesh.
Alma 38:12 “see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye
may be filled with love;”
What do latter-day
prophets and apostles say regarding this?
Proper dating and
courtship are essential. Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles advocates learning as much as you can about your potential spouse. “If
you wish to marry well, inquire well,” he says. “There should be dating,
followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be
ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a
variety of circumstances.” At the same time, he cautions, as we get to know
possible eternal companions, “we should realize that a good marriage does not
require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman
committed to strive together toward perfection.” “Please date extensively,”
Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles urges, echoing Elder
Oaks' advice to spend time getting to know potential spouses. “Please know the
kind of person you want to be with. … Make sure that you know before you get
married what that person really wants to be. You can do that by seeing if he or
she goes to his or her meetings and has a testimony and can talk to you about
eternal goals now.”[3]
Worthiness. President
Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “Be worthy of the mate you choose. … This will be
the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry”[4] “As
you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential
attributes that bring happiness,” Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the
Twelve Apostles teaches. This person should have qualities including “a deep
love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one
that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self,
with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a
commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.”
Elder Scott also suggests that those seeking a spouse should
look at themselves to be sure that they are the kind of person they want to
marry. “When you find you are developing an interest in a young woman,” he told
young men, “show her that you are an exceptional person that she would find
interesting to know better. … If you want to have a wonderful wife, you need to
have her see you as a wonderful man and prospective husband.”[5]
Obedience to the law
of chastity. President Hinckley taught, “It is better, my friends, to date
a variety of companions until you are ready to marry. Have a wonderful time,
but stay away from familiarity. Keep your hands to yourself. It may not be
easy, but it is possible.”[6]
President Monson cautions, “Be careful to go to places where there is a good
environment, where you won’t be faced with temptation. …Because sexual
intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before
marriage, as well as full fidelity after marriage. In dating, treat your date
with respect, and expect your date to show that same respect for you.”[7] “Kissing
has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and
admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean
when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?” President
Spencer W. Kimball[8] “In
dating relationships with the opposite sex, making a wrong choice early may
limit making the right choice later.” President James E. Faust[9] “How
foolish is the youth who feels that the Church is a fence around love to keep
him out. Oh, youth, if you could know! The requirements of the Church are the
highway to love and to happiness, with guardrails securely in place, with
guideposts plainly marked, and with help along the way. How unfortunate to
resent counsel and restraint. How fortunate are you who follow the standards of
the Church, even if just from sheer obedience or habit. You will find a rapture
and a joy fulfilled.” President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of
the Twelve Apostles[10]
[1] https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?CID=613601&lang=eng&old=true
[2] https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church?lang=eng
[3] https://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/bring-happiness-into-courtship-and-marriage?lang=eng
[5] https://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/bring-happiness-into-courtship-and-marriage?lang=eng
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